Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The joys of dating when you are not 17

Hope your sitting down with a cuppa as this is longer than normal.

The joys of dating when you are not 17, or should I call it the joys of dating when you are not 20 30 40, ok lets just say when you are not 40
you are

5' 10"
blonde with extensions
enhanced with plastic surgery
a sex goddess

and you don't like
men who think they are god's gift to women / the universe
large stomachs
hairy backs
lots of facial hair

I have been divorced for awhile now, and have dated a few men over the years. I genuinely enjoy my own company and have lots of great friends, but sometimes I think it would be nice to find someone to share life experiences.

It started with

Mr Boring

I had known him for many years before we started dating, although I hadn't seen him for quite a few years.  He seemed like he would be the perfect partner for me. We had lots in common, we knew each other well, but he treated me like a wife, not a girlfriend. There was no romance, he was pleasant, but not an ounce of zing in the relationship........nothing.
I was very comfortable with him, but I didn't want to be comfortable, I needed romance, attention, consideration, all the things I had been missing for years from my marriage.
He eventually moved to the States for work and was soon married within a few months of arriving.

I was hoping that one of my friends would be able to introduce me to one of their friends, but not one had a friend who they thought was suitable.

Next step was to try internet dating, I am sure there are many successes but I could write a book on the many failures, but I won't as I don't want to put off anybody who is thinking of trying internet dating. Here are a few of the more memorable ones that I can't forget, boy I wish I could.

Mr Ice Cream Man

Not quite as bad as it sounds, he owned an ice cream franchise.
We went out on our first date, a nice meal, pleasant conversation. Afterwards we went for a walk along the water front. He kept on trying to squeeze my breasts while we were walking, it didn't matter whether there was anyone else nearby, I would like to say he tried to fondle my breasts, but no, he squeezed them. He didn't last long!

Mr Rum

Another nice chap. We got on well, I enjoyed his company for the first couple of dates, until I found out he was an alcoholic, and would have work "lunch" meetings that would involve copious amounts of alcohol and last all afternoon. He would ring me all day and evening, telling me how much he liked me in a slurred booze addled voice, leaving messages on the answering machine. Not good for a long lasting relationship and quite frankly a bit scary.

There were quite a few other dates over the years, none too bad, none really good, until 

Mr Superior

I thought I had become well versed in weeding out the "duds".  Mr Superior and I emailed a lot, we had quite a few phone calls. I asked lots of questions.  There was one thing that was not quite perfect with this guy. He had told me that sometimes he initially came across as arrogant, but he was adamant that he was not arrogant. I was rather concerned as my ex had been somewhat arrogant, and that is one trait I do not like. 
I agreed to meet in Brisbane for lunch.  I met up with him, he was well dressed, he actually looked exactly like his photo, pleasant, polite,  until he started asking questions, well one question.
What did I find erotic? Now, hmmm, first date, who asks someone what they find erotic on a first date?  I was polite stupid and kept changing the subject by asking questions. He then started asking me when I was going to move down to be with him, and how we would have to rent a larger apartment as his was too small.  At one stage during the "date" he leant back in his chair, crossed his arms, looked down at me and told me that he would not support me financially. I bit my tongue and replied only, that I was devastated that he had ruined my plans for the future. I should have got up and walked away, but I was trying to be polite, so instead of walking away I was able to witness Mr Superior writing on the bill how much my coffee cost and how much I owed.

Mr Hook Up Man aka The Octopus

After Mr Superior I thought it was a waste of time emailing, talking on the phone first, because it didn't seem to make it easier to weed out the crap. I agreed to have a coffee with Mr Hook Up Man after only a couple of emails and one phone call.  We had a pleasant time, got on well, he was polite, interesting and   I agreed to go out for another coffee  the following day. Again, nice conversation, not possibly the man of my dreams, but a nice enough guy that I thought I might possibly like to get to know, until we were walking back to my car, when he grabbed me, pulled me to him and proceeded to try and kiss me madly in the car park. Now I'm no prude, but I don't think it entirely appropriate for two people to be grinding and kissing etc in a public place. I like holding hands, hugs, but overt public displays of affection are just not my thing. I pulled away from him, mumbled something about public displays of affection and got out of there fast.
He later apologised and said he wouldn't do that again,  I accepted and I thought as we had got on so well before he tried the stunt in the car park, I would go out with him again.
We went to a movie together, yeah I know, a risky business going to a movie - dark room, confined space, with a possible groper. However he had apologised for his previous infringement and we were seeing Inception, not a movie conducive to romance.  WELL, he tried every trick in the book. The movie is one that needs concentration to watch, and all through the movie he tried to grab my hand, rub it, rub my arm. It was so annoying, I wanted to pull my arm away and punch him in the face. I leant forward at one stage to stretch and he took the opportunity to slip his arm behind me and pull me towards him.  I should have punched him and walked out but it was just annoying as opposed to downright gross. There I was being hugged close to him with my neck at about a 45 deg angle away from him so he couldn't get close to my face. Eventually I pulled my arm away, he started rubbing my leg. I figured having my arm rubbed was better than having my thigh rubbed so I grabbed his hand. Occasionally he would turn to me and I think he was trying to see if he could get a kiss in, unfortunately for him my head was about as far away from his as possible while I was still sitting in the chair next to him. I was seriously contemplating getting up to go to the toilet and not going back to the movie. I don't know why I didn't.
The other thing that annoyed me, was his dress code. I know some guys are not exactly clothes horses and don't have a clue, but you would think he would have made an effort to wear something decent.  Shorts and flip flops are not my idea of a way to make a good impression when you are trying to "woo" someone. Unless you are at the beach.

I just don't get it.

"Why do men in their 40's and 50's revert to being 15 again." 

I'm starting to think that men believe that if a woman is over 40 and not a sex goddess the woman should feel grateful that they will go out with her, even more so if they actually want to have sex with her.
For me, it's back to the drawing board. I also need to walk out earlier instead of staying, although then I miss out on being able to tell my friends how bad these guys are, which makes for great conversation, and then they realize how lucky they are because they don't have to go through this crap.

I'm giving up on internet dating dating for the time being and going back to enjoying my life without the complications of beating off men who just want me for my body!!


  1. Oh dear Marg, I'd give it away. I really would!
    I'm sorry you have had these terrible experiences. You aren't the only one. My daughter in her mid 30s finds things just as bad. Where have all the nice men gone? It seems that there is a real shortage of them from 35 on and there are so many great women out there looking for a sensible, caring, regular guy.
    Stick to the single life. There is a lot going for it and as you say you have great friends.

  2. I just heard a statistic that there are twice as many unmarried women as there are men. Perhaps this makes men think it is ok to do what you want since there is another woman out there waiting. I feel badly for you and all women who are going through this. I know I certainly wouldn't want to. I am sure there is a man out there for you - you just have to keep weeding them out! I think you are beautiful on the inside and out and some lucky person will see that one day.

  3. jesus christ, you didnt tell me about the groper! should have left the bastard with a black eye!

  4. Wow - Glad I snapped Mr. P up when I did.

    On the positive side - you have enough self esteem that you dont feel you need a man to be complete so therefore you're not going to put up with drop kicks. And you're completely real sistah. Not like those Barbie wannabes, who have one aim and that's to hook a man.

    Surely it's better to be on your own than get stuck with some tool who just wants you for your boobies.

    And I just want you to know I was laughing with you as I read this post - not at you.

  5. Brilliant brilliant post.

    I would say I know where you are coming from but I haven't tried dating in such a long time I think I would be happy with the groppy, just wanting me for my body man - if you know what I mean!

    At least you are giving it a go, unlike me and are getting fun stories out of if.

    Amazingly I know two married couples who met on the internet, but then they are all so odd I don't think they could have hooked up with each up any other way!!

    A couple of good friends do internet dating and want me to try it but I keep putting it off! I just can't be bothered, but the way you tell it makes it sound good for a laugh!

  6. Oh dear I am going to have to say it....What else do you expect from Aussie Males??? Oooops my husband is an Aussie male and yes he still acts like he is 15!!(I have accepted that he always will and yes he does come from another planet!) I think in this country we have to learn to see beyond the annoying and hopefully find a diamond in the rough like I did. Like Mrs P said you have tons of personality and self esteem so you don't NEED a man to be complete but I know as I was a late bloomer with Billy that it is sometimes nice to just have someone male to relate to, even if they do piss you off major.....after a few years you both start to laugh about it ;-)

  7. I laughed so much much. This should be turned into a movie.

  8. Hi Marg, Sorry dear you may as well give up now, because 20 years ago I grabbed the last good one around ...even though he does love his thongs...I have learned to live with them because he has so many other good things about him. I had a good laugh at your experiences though....

    You sound like a good catch to me ...intelligent, polite, and clever as well...

    Remember it is not the ladies over 40 who are desperate it is the men over 40.

  9. How am I just reading this now? Your movie experience is horrific. What is wrong with people? I'm genuinely sorry, really. We all know you're wonderful on your own, but you really deserve a great man if you want one!


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